Sunday, 10 July 2016

The Library for the Littlest Room

Once upon a time, I lived in that rare place - a rented house which DID NOT have a damp bathroom! In those halcyon days, I was able to keep a small bookshelf next to the loo for those extended moments when I had time to read while, um, concentrating.

I now live in a standard rented house. The walls of the bathroom are speckled with snowflake shape mould blooms here and there at this time of year, and these will become a mottled eggshell effect in autumn before being wiped out by some nasty mould cleaning product wielded by myself.

I miss that library in my littlest room. Here's a collection of those titles that I would recommend for anyone with a non-damp bathroom who can live the dream of having a Book Collection for Private Moments.

Roger's Profanisaurus (Viz - any edition)

If I ever end up renting a house with a non-damp bathroom again, the loo library will be reinstated with an addition for my arty-crafty impulses. Colouring in books are very popular. If I were more motivated and business-minded, I would exploit a potential gap in the colouring-in book market and release my own book entitled:
Colouring on the Crapper

Needless to say, it would be aimed specifically at those who have reading material in the toilet. The first couple of pages would contian instructions on how to make your own pencil pot made, of course, using a toilet roll tube. The pages would in the shape of a toilet seat, each one decorated with a different pattern or motif.

I even have a sequel in mind:
Colouring on the Crapper 2: 
This Shit Just Got Real

This would be a more standard square or rectangular shaped book. In the middle of each page would be something toilet related. A loo on one page, a drawing of one of those hideous knitted doll things that your gran used to have over the spare loo roll, a poo emoji, you know the kind of thing. On the background of the page would be a repeating pattern.

I know exactly what you are thinking.

I'm wasted on planet Earth.

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